In our estate planning, probate, and elder law practice here at Reed Wilson Case we often see family squabbles that erupt because of unmet expectations.
Many of these expectations involve emotionally valuable personal property. And many of them erupt after the passing of a loved one.
In many instances, had the family discussed these expectations prior to their loved one’s passing, these squabbles (some of which end up severing family relationships for a lifetime) could have been avoided.
Feel free to use these tips and share this article with your friends and family members. Everyone can benefit from these suggestions.
Planning to pass on belongings that have special meaning, like grandma’s yellow pie plate, can be challenging. The following tips will help you avoid family squabbles and make decisions that are right for your family.
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Tips For Avoiding Family Squabbles
- Recognize that decisions about personal belongings are often more challenging than decisions about the titled property. Assuming such decisions are unimportant or trivial can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
- Recognize that inheritance decisions can have powerful consequences – emotional as well as economic. Decisions about personal property involve dealing with emotional and potential financial value connected to objects accumulated over a lifetime and across generations of family members.
- Plan ahead. When decisions are made prior to death, the decisions can reflect the owner’s wishes, and special memories and stories may be shared. Planning ahead versus waiting until a crisis or death offers more choices and a chance for thoughtful communication.
- Consider how to deal with conflicts before they arise. Issues of power and control do not disappear in inheritance decisions. Unresolved conflicts among parents, adult children, siblings, and others are often at the heart of what goes wrong with inheritance decisions. Listen for feelings and emotions, watch for blaming, and determine if you can agree to disagree if conflicts arise.
- Remember that different perception of what’s “fair” is normal and should be expected. Those involved need to uncover the unwritten rules and assumptions about fairness that exist among family members.
- Consider all options. Being fair does not always mean being equal. In fact, dividing personal property equally is sometimes impossible.
- Ask family members for input. Individuals who have input and agree on how decisions are made are more likely to feel the outcomes of those decisions are fair.
- Discuss what those involved want to accomplish. This will help reduce mistaken assumptions, misunderstood intentions, and makes choosing distribution options easier.
- Ask others to identify items that have special meaning to them. This will help minimize inaccurate assumptions about who should get what. Not everyone will find the same items meaningful.
- Put wishes in writing. By creating a separate listing mentioned in a will, for example, you will reduce the dilemmas and decisions for estate executors and surviving family members.
Excerpted with permission from the article ‘Families and Personal Property Inheritances: A Top Ten List for Decision-Making’, by Marlene S. Stum, University of Minnesota.
Joan Reed Wilson Esq. – Managing Partner
Practices in the areas of estate planning, elder law, Medicaid planning, conservatorships, probate and trust administration, and real estate. Admitted to practice in the States of Connecticut and California, she is the Vice President of the CT Chapter of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA), an active member of the Elder Law Section of the Connecticut Bar Association, accredited with the PLAN of CT for Pooled Trusts, with the Veteran’s Administration to assist clients with obtaining Aid & Attendance benefits for long-term care needs and with the Agency on Aging’s CareLink Network.